You are not broken. But you are human
You are not broken.
But you are human.
I recently binged-watched Daisy Jones and the Six - loved it. Without giving anything away, two characters have this exchange:
"We can be broken together…"
"I don't want to be broken…"
I resonated with this idea of feeling as though you're in parts, split down the middle, like something is missing.
I've always had that ache of something I don't have that should be with me, or that perhaps I should be, that was torn away from me, and now I'm no longer whole, and my life's work is to find what's missing and get repaired.
Religion amplified this idea and even suggested a cure: "There's a God-shaped hole inside of you," sang Christian artist 'Plumb' (Youth Group in the 90's…), "and it's a void only 'he' can fill."
I was a sinner and needed a saviour; I was fallen and needed forgiveness; I was broken and needed fixing.
Oh, how I longed to be fixed, long to be mended, longed to be something other than what I was. I was the super Christian teenager who responded to all the altar calls, and all the messages, who turned up first and left last, who cried and prayed and begged for forgiveness. I was the problem. Jesus was the answer. And I was going to throw myself into that answer as much and as often and as fervently as I could so that I could finally feel no longer
broken.
But it never worked.
I hoped beyond all that I could trade usefulness for brokenness.
That didn't work, either.
And I don't think that's because God isn't real or that Jesus isn't meaningful or that there isn't any truth or substance to a life of faith and spirituality…
It's because there's nothing to fix. I am not a problem to solve. I am not broken.
You are not broken.
But you are human.
And as humans, we feel, and we experience and we ebb and flow and wax and wane and have longings and doubts and pain and joy and go through seasons of confusion and wisdom…
That doesn't make us broken; it makes us who we are. And that doesn't need to be fixed. It only needs patient, compassionate and loving attention and awareness.
Your humanity is something to work with, not be saved from.
I believe that this is what Jesus' message embodies: that our humanity is holy and gracious and something that is to be loved, not shamed and fixed.
In this series, we'll look at things that you are other than broken. Because you're not. You are a human alive in the world. You'll experience many different, complicated, contradictory, painful, joyful, wonderful, terrifying and boring things. And none of them make you broken.
And look, I get it… if we're not broken, then what is that ache? What happens when we feel pain? When we're hurt and abused and traumatised? When we're sick and anxious and depressed? Why do we chase that ever-elusive cure for our condition? Why does it always seem like we're trying to be something more than what we currently are?
Good questions… I wonder about those things, too.
And still, I have too much faith and wonder in this wild and wide world to believe that the answer is some two-dimensional thing like the idea that we're broken, and we need to be saved from ourselves.
Something else is afoot. And isn't it fun to figure out what?
Maybe the longing and the pain and the sense of something missing isn't an indictment, or a sign of failure, or a symptom of brokenness… perhaps it's taking us somewhere else, somewhere new and ancient at the same time… somewhere fresh and wise, safe and wild, free and grounded, beautiful and ordinary…
Imagine that.
LISTEN: You are not broken. Your life is not an exercise in being fixed. When you release yourself from these ideas, you'll be able to take your pains and failures and work with them instead of trying to fix them and make up for them.
Written by Liz Milani
Instagram: @thepracticeco
From this week’s series titled "Things That You Are, Instead of Broken", with a subscription, in the App.
