You are not your thoughts

You have a lot of thoughts. On any given day, at any moment, thousands of them about hundreds of different things filter through your mind. From food to love to that thing you did when you were nineteen to questions about death and life and how long the lamb chops have been in the fridge and did you remember to email Rhonda? Cos Rhonda needs to be emailed. 

It's estimated that you have around 50,000 thoughts a day - a different thought every two seconds. Around 95% of those thoughts are repeats: narratives and plot lines and details of different stories you've been telling yourself for years.

Dr. Shad Helmstetter said:

"Most of our self-talk is unconscious; we are not even aware of it." 

Your thoughts are influenced by things like your beliefs, your past, your moods, illnesses you're experiencing or have experienced, your expectations for the future, your friendships and relationships… so many things. And your thoughts, in turn, influence these things, too. They create a kind of self-perpetuating funnel, and they feed into one another. 

But here's the thing: You are not your thoughts. 

I know it feels like the opposite is true. But it isn't. Your thoughts are independent of your personhood and only have as much power as you give them. Or rather, the power of your thoughts dwells in the belief of your powerlessness over them.

Caveat: I am not talking about mental illnesses diagnosable by a Mental Health professional. I am not saying that all you have to do is choose between good and bad thoughts; it is much more nuanced than that and takes much more work (joy, right?!).

We start here: a place of no judgement, shame or criticism.

Byron Katie said:

"When we believe our thoughts instead of what is really true for us, we experience the kinds of emotional distress that we call suffering. Suffering is a natural alarm, warning us that we're attaching to a thought; when we don't listen, we come to accept this suffering as an inevitable part of life. It's not."

Thoughts of inadequacy, self-distrust, thoughts that are suspicious and sceptical of others and of what's happening in the room right now; thoughts about the motives and the agendas of our friends and family and neighbours… When we believe the unfounded and convoluted thoughts that drift into our minds and hearts without question, and we hold onto them as truth, we experience the suffering of the attachment to that thought, and we end up accepting it as an inevitable part of our lives. 

It's not. 

Right after Paul said that we could have miraculous peace, he said: 

"Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honourable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

We tend to skip over the first bit of that verse and go straight to all the adjectives. But straight up, Paul seemed to think that we can "fix our thoughts" in both senses of the phrase. Other versions say "set your mind" and "think about these things"… in other words, you can learn how to choose. You may not have control over every thought that enters your mind, but you can create habits and pathways about how to engage some and let others go. 

You have a lot of thoughts. We all do. You are not your thoughts. (relax, take a breath.) You can reconstruct your inner dialogue, and rewrite the narrative in your mind; you can change the story you tell yourself.

YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS: You do not have to receive every thought you have as truth. Not every thought belongs. Your work is to observe your thoughts, follow your curiosity, engage what's helpful, let the rest go.

Written by Liz Milani
Instagram: @thepracticeco

From this week’s series titled "You Are Not Your Thoughts", with a subscription, in the App.