Stuck in all or nothing thinking?
Black and white thinking, thinking in extremes, all-or-nothing absolutes: In psychology, this way of thinking is often labelled a cognitive distortion. Why? Because it acts like a fog, preventing us from truly perceiving life in its authentic form—dynamic, intricate, and ever-changing.
For those of us who grew up in or have spent any amount of time in any fundamentalist environment—for me, that environment was fundamentalist Pentecostalism, so I will be referring to that more often than not because it is my lens and personal experience, but this subject as a whole is not limited to that—we might find that we defer to extreme thinking, absolutes, more often than not.
Consider what we were taught to be true:
- You are either lost or found, heaven or hell-bound, secular or saved.
- Actions are either inherently sinful or righteous.
- There's only one correct interpretation of religious texts, dismissing alternative views.
- Gender roles are enforced or inferred, limiting opportunities and behaviour bias based on gender.
- Inclusivity and exclusivity - their faith is the only true path to salvation, excluding other belief systems.
- Creationism vs. evolution - the debate is often framed as a choice between creationism or evolution, with little room for integration.
- Sexuality is binary, not fluid.
- Healing and suffering are contingent on our obedience.
This can lead to disordered thinking and beliefs when it comes to our value and worth, our mental and physical health, success and failure, love and loss, leaving no room for nuance, complexity, or actual real life.
Challenging extreme thinking is a liberating act that unfolds the capacity to find peace amidst life's complexity. Rather than being entangled in the dichotomies of success and failure, right and wrong, sinner or saint, we discover a middle ground—a space where shades of grey allow for a more nuanced understanding of our experiences.
It's a journey toward inner peace, where the noise of extreme thoughts begins to fade, and a serene stillness takes its place - we learn how to live in those wide-open spaces our faith tradition loved to talk about but often failed to foster. This newfound tranquility is not the absence of challenges but the resilience to navigate them with a calm and centred mind.
In this series, we'll work through black and white thinking, uncovering ways it may be impacting our lives, whether we've realised or not, and create a path forward that's unique and particular for you and your situation, one that is able to hold the tension of nuance and difference and find joy in the varied experiences we carry at once. Embracing this complexity is not just a cognitive shift but a spiritual awakening—an acknowledgment that true peace lies in the acceptance of life's inherent nuances, not in its rejection.
AFFIRMATION: I embrace path of recovery, challenging extremes and embracing nuance. My journey is one of resilience, peace, and a capacity to navigate life's complexities with wonder rather than fear.
Join me this week in the App, I’m learning along with you…
Liz Milani xo
Instagram: @thepracticeco
From this week’s series titled "Shades of Grey" with a subscription in the App. Hope to see you there.
