How does trust actually work?

WHAT IT MEANS TO TRUST.

Trust is often framed as a virtue, something we should give freely and without hesitation. But when trust is treated as blind faith—an expectation of unquestioning belief—it becomes something else entirely. It becomes a tool for control.

Many of us were raised in environments where trust and obedience were interchangeable. This was my experience in Australian Pentecostalism during the 80s and 90s. Whether it was a religious leader, a parent, or an institution, we were expected to trust without proof, without doubt, without hesitation. Questioning authority was seen as rebellion. Discomfort was dismissed as a lack of faith. And if we struggled to trust? Well, that was framed as a personal failing, not a sign that something might actually be wrong.

Trust should be earned, not demanded. And if trust requires you to silence your gut instincts, ignore red flags, or surrender your autonomy—it’s not trust. It’s coercion.

If you have been taught that trust means suppressing your own instincts, ignoring your own wisdom, or following someone else’s lead without question, it is okay to unlearn that. Trust is not meant to make you smaller—it is meant to create a sense of safety, clarity, and connection.

You are allowed to ask questions.

You are allowed to need proof.

You are allowed to withhold trust when something feels off.

Trust is not about faith in someone else—it is about faith in your own discernment. It's also not absolute. You can trust a person in a specific thing, and not trust the same person in another. You can test it. Work at it. Massage it. You can increase it or dial it back. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. You do not have to prove your trust by handing over your autonomy. You get to choose who is worthy of your trust—and who isn’t.

CONSIDER THIS: “We can only trust people to be who they have shown us they are.” — Cheryl Strayed.

Much love,

Liz xo