What do you do with disappointment?
I think it's important for you to know that I’m writing this series from a place of my own disappointment, because I am so, and I’m trying to wade my way through it. Writing about it here and sharing it with you is such a gift for me, I hope it can be for you, too.
What do you do with disappointment? What is its purpose? How do you process it, use it, absorb it into your body and alchemise it?
After recent events here in Australia where another prominent Christian leader’s abuse of power and of women have come to light, I find old wounds in my heart and body have become achy again. I’m not new to this kind of disappointment when a leader or an authority figure display behaviour and harm that directly contradicts their message, having had it happen in my own family of origin. But it’s made me think of all kinds of disappointments that spring up within us... from finding out that what you expected something to be isn’t what it is; the disappointment of lost opportunities and missed moments; of feeling betrayed and let down; realising that the way you thought the world, faith, life, and love works, isn’t how it works at all - all the way through to experiencing the heartbreaking state of being disappointed in yourself.
It can be such an insidious emotion; it’s hard to figure out what to do with it. It often creeps up on you in small and subtle ways but gains momentum quickly until you suddenly feel like you can’t stand up under its weight. It’s uncomfortable and unsettling, so you want to do something with it, cast it out, numb it, silence it, throw it away. Which never works, FYI. Whenever you try to dispose of emotions by any means other than feeling them and facing them, they only grow larger. The fear, though, is that if faced, disappointment might open its astronomical mouth above you and swallow you whole.
Listen, disappointment is hungry, but not for you. It is hungry to show you beauty; it thirsts for your wisdom to expand.
Like grief is fueled by love, disappointment means that you dared to hope, you had the courage to dream, you allowed yourself to imagine good and beautiful things about life and people and groups and institutions and governments, and even yourself.
It's also an indicator of broken trust, a crossed boundary, something being fractured and unsafe, a shift that needs to be made. And those are all important pieces of information worthy of your attention.
In this series, we’ll look at a few specific disappointments in the hope to better travel through them. I know this for sure; disappointment is part of a vibrant spiritual practice. De-moralising sensation and emotion will help you see the gifts that disappointment wants to give you. And instead of curling up, folding yourself in parts, numbing and ignoring, or being just plain bewildered, you can take your disappointments by their hands, and follow them somewhere healing and wise.
It’s important for you to know that your disappointment is nothing to be ashamed of, that the things you are disappointed about in yourself, about what you believed, about how you invested into whatever it was, do not mean that you are shameful. This is a worthy step on the path; hold your head high as you walk it.
CONSIDER THIS: "If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment."
Henry David Thoreau.
From my upcoming series, "Facing Disappointment" this week with a subscription in the App.
Written by Liz Milani
Instagram: @thepracticeco
