How do you find the support you need?
How do you find the support you need?
Do you search for it? Ask for it?
Do you know the things and the practices that swell your body with care and surround you with resonance?
I think sometimes we are afraid to ask for the support we need because of the way we think it makes us look, because of the way people have treated us when we've asked for it before, because of the way we've been made to believe we should be fearless, strong, independent, and powerful. And we are those things, but we are those things because of the support we receive from ourselves, the earth, and others.
What kind of support do you need right now?
It can be hard to know. Especially if you've grown up in faith communities or family systems that demanded you abandon yourself; that demonised your heart and longings, intuition and body. If you were taught that to be holy and acceptable, you needed to mistrust your skin and deny the desires and wisdom of your heart; then it can be challenging to tap into what you need and how you can find it.
Try this:
- Instead of seeing it as a challenge, call it an adventure. Language matters. Give it a try. Give it whatever name you want, whatever label gives you energy: an odyssey, a journey, an experiment in comfort and care.
- Resist feeling shame for needing things, for wanting support, for desiring and craving it. It is normal, and healthy. It is how life works. We inhale, and we exhale; we give and receive. It can never be all of one or the other.
- Expand your ideas of what support is and how you can access it. Support can be whatever you need it to be, wherever you find it. Many of us put off support until the last minute - until the need has gone from a whisper to a scream. Don't wait that long.
- Challenge yourself on what you believe about your capacity to give, the wealth of your resources, how much others appreciate and love you. Many of us don't offer support because we don't think it will make much difference, or we don't think it will be enough, or that it will be rejected. Keep the flow flowing. Start small, start brave. You'll find your feet.
- Look for support in things and places other than people. Music, nature, movement, food, stories, rest… these things can and want to support you, and can be such great avenues of care.
- Find ways to support yourself in both what you give to your body and what you receive from it. Just like we look for affirmation from others, learn to affirm yourself. Just like we want others to give us permission to rest, learn to give yourself permission. Look for the ways your body enjoys things; listen to the cues, be available to the signs, take note, lean in. You'll find that built into your physicality and soul are avenues of care and support that you can lean on when you need to.
I find great support in the arms of a good story, a couple of dozen cups of tea, a cool night on the back deck listening to the ocean spill onto the sand… Music. I can not tell you how important music is to me. I have a playlist (that people like to lovingly tease me for), that I have carefully curated, and it literally supports me. It helps me breathe. It energises me. It fuels my creativity. It helps me rest.
So my friend, where do you go for support? Have fun figuring it out.
WISDOM: "You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realising who you are at the deepest level." Eckhart Tolle.
From my upcoming series, "Finding Support" this week with a subscription in the App.
Written by Liz Milani
Instagram: @thepracticeco
