Find what feels good

When I say, 'find what feels good,' I'm not talking about any momentary pleasure or passing gratification that you can find.

No.

For some reason, when you talk about feeling good, in a lot faith communities and traditions, people automatically interpret it to mean something salacious, selfish and destructive, whether for the individual, or others, too.

Goodness can't be owned by any faith, tradition, community, society, philosophy, idea, gatekeeper… You cannot harness it and make it play by your rules.

Goodness is part of the fabric of the universe. It is the driving force behind Divine creative energy; it is what Divine creative energy creates with, and it is what Divine creative energy creates for.

Goodness can show up in momentary pleasures and gratifications like sex, food, and adventure, and simple things like reading a book, going for a walk, having a late lunch on an autumn afternoon, or complex things like healing and conviction and making change.

Goodness, by definition, is anything that is nurturing, nourishing, tenderly (and powerfully) attentive, caring… all of these things pull together around the sense of being known. And being known leads to wisdom and progress and intimacy and vulnerability, possibility, problem-solving and presence.

Goodness wraps its arms around you and holds you, it leads you to wellbeing and growth. It's this ironic dual action of taking you on a journey of discovery while also bringing you home to yourself.

This goodness is who you are at your essential self, which is who you are at your deepest, beneath all the hiding and projecting, worrying and fear, grasping and striving, regret and shame - all of the things we do and take on to try and find love and belonging. Which is why your work is not to get better at behaving but to increase your capacity for believing in your goodness, and the goodness within everyone and everything. 

To find what feels good, what embodies and carries goodness, is a conduit of its experience, try this: 

When you become aware of a feeling or an emotion, stop, settle, soften. Set aside all judgement and shame. Try not to control, contrive or censor this feeling. Instead, engage your curiosity, and see if you can name it.

Allow the sensations it brings up in your body to arise. Emotions and are called feelings because we feel them in the body. That's where they live, that's where they tell their stories, secrets and wisdom. In a world that has so much contempt for the body in many toxic and damaging ways, its no wonder that our relationship with it and our capacity to allow our feelings to move in, through, and out the pathways designed for them in our flesh and blood, needs work, healing, and clarifying. 

This is where you begin: facing your fears, engaging the practice, going at your own pace. 

Talk to yourself, tell your body (and soul) that it is safe for you to feel this feeling, that this is where the feeling can express itself until it has had its full say. Mindfully allow the sensations to be present and flow, let them to rise and fall free of judgement. 

This requires courage; to stay with emotions and feelings, whether good or bad, that you feel you can't handle or that you think you're not allowed to feel. Give yourself permission (you don't need anyone elses for this). 

Now, go deeper, investigate, enquire. See if you can explore what's at the heart of this feeling; where it's coming from. And as you do, surround yourself with kindness and compassion. Be good to you, as you find what feels good, what feels like care, what feels like love. Emotions want to move through you, and out, and they can't unless you feel them, so even in allowing yourself to feel the ones labelled negative, you are moving in the direction of goodness. 

Settle into yourself, my friend. Your body and heart have much to tell you about who you are and the goodness within you. Lean in, listen, and learn.

DEAR BODY: I'm sorry I haven't been listening, but I'm listening now. I'll sit with you through the joy and the pain; I'll learn from you and love you. After all, you are me, and I am you, and we are here together. 

From my upcoming New Year’s series, "Find What Feels Good" this week with a subscription in the App.

Written by Liz Milani
Instagram: @thepracticeco