Disappointment is a spiritual practice?
What do you do with disappointment? What is its purpose? How do you process it, use it, absorb it into your body and alchemise it?
After recent events here in Australia where another prominent Christian leader’s abuse of power, and of women, has come to light, I find old wounds in my heart and body have become achy again. I’m not new to this kind of disappointment, when a leader or an authority figure, display behaviour and harm that directly contradicts their message, having had it happen in my own family of origin when I was a child. But it’s made me think of all kinds of disappointments that spring up within us... from finding out that what you expected something to be isn’t what it is; the disappointment of lost opportunities and missed moments; of feeling betrayed and let down; realising that the way you thought the world, faith, life, and love works, isn’t how it works at all - all the way through to experiencing the heartbreaking state of being disappointed in yourself.
Being disappointed in yourself is such a downer.
It can be an insidious emotion, creeping up on you in small and subtle ways, but gaining quick momentum until you suddenly feel like you can’t stand up under its weight. It’s uncomfortable and unsettling, so you want to do something with it, cast it out, numb it, silence it, throw it away. But whenever you try to dispose of emotions by any means other than feeling them and facing them, they only grow larger. The fear, though, is that if faced, disappointment might open its astronomical mouth above you and swallow you whole.
But, like grief is fuelled by love, disappointment means that you dared to hope, you had the courage trust, you allowed yourself to imagine good and beautiful things about life and people and groups and institutions and governments, and even yourself.
It also is an indicator of broken trust, a crossed boundary, something being fractured and unsafe, a shift that needs to be made. And those are all important pieces of information worthy of your attention.
In this series, we’ll look at a few specific disappointments in the hope to better travel through them. I know this for sure; disappointment is part of a vibrant spiritual practice. De-moralising sensation and emotion will help you see the gifts that disappointment wants to give you. And instead of curling up, folding yourself in parts, numbing and ignoring, or being just plain bewildered, you can take your disappointments by their hands, and follow them somewhere healing and wise. Join me in the App for more?
Love ya
Liz Milani xo
Instagram: @thepracticeco
From this week’s series titled "THROUGH THE VALLEY" with a subscription in the App. Hope to see you there.
