You don’t have to be faithful to everything
Faithfulness is a virtue; this is true.
But have you ever considered the quality of unfaithfulness? Of turning away from something you’ve been committed to? Of knowing when the time to end or leave or finish is here?
There are some things you should not be faithful to.
Some things do not require it.
Some things want our faithfulness as an ego-driven, narcissistic source of power and validity.
Not everything that wants your faithfulness deserves or needs it.
Jesus once said to his friends:
“If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones.”
He didn’t say that you should be faithful to everything, everyone, and all things that come your way. To be faithful in one direction requires walking away from the other.
Faithfulness is not un-seeing submission. It’s not a one-off decision that you never have to make again. Faithfulness is not the same as consistency or endurance. It doesn’t have to be lifelong to be life-giving. Faithfulness is one thing. Being faithful to something is another. One is a noun, and the other is a verb. I think sometimes they’re confused and fused together; you are only faithful if you remain stuck to the thing you’ve always been stuck to you.
Do not mistake stubbornness and an unwillingness to change for faithfulness. Faithfulness is a matter of choosing what you will show up for. Most people think that faithfulness is displayed in the WHAT of showing up. But faithfulness is the action and practice of showing up. What you choose to show up for is the funnel within which you pour it.
Faithfulness is a practice. It doesn’t matter whether it's a small or big thing, faithfulness is a function of your values and beliefs. There’s no such thing as just showing up for the huge things in life. It doesn’t work that way. You have to show up for it all, the big and small and the in-between, the hard and the easy and the mundane - showing up is how you live. You can’t just live 'the big stuff' and stay in bed for the rest.
Un-faithfulness is a practice, too. If you are unfaithful in small things, you can be unfaithful in big things.
If you can walk away from the tiny voices that want to keep you small and contained; if you can practice being unfaithful to these small things, when the big voices come when they yell and scream and shout in your heart all the ways in which you can’t and you shouldn’t, and you’re not enough and who do you think you are, you’ll be able to walk away from them, too. Like everything, not all faithfulness and unfaithfulness is good or bad. Everything has a shadow side. It's what you use these qualities for that matters most.
Unfaithfulness is an untangling, walking away from something you were once engaged with, committed to, or a part of. Unfaithfulness, when practised for your highest good and the good of others, is just as much a virtue as being faithful is. To be faithful in things that build you up, heal you, connect you to others, integrate your pain, show you the value of the earth and all her goodness, and inaugurate your freedom, you must be unfaithful to the things that keep you from rising up and being brave and true and fully you.
Much weight and glory have been given to the act of faithfulness as it should. There should also be weight and glory given to those who have untangled themselves, walked away, and consciously chosen to take their loyalty from something that was killing them, so they can place it in something else that will bring them life. If that's you, I honour the choice you’ve made and hold space for the challenge it is to change.
Change is normal. Evolution is ordinary. The seasonality of ideas and beliefs and vocations and even relationships is organic. What should last is your commitment to facing your life, not stubborn allegiance to something that quit serving you long ago.
You have permission to be unfaithful to all of the things and places and ideas and ways and practices that are keeping you from rising strong and true and brave and free, into the fullness of who you are and are becoming.
REMEMBER: Not everything that wants your faith and loyalty deserves it, needs it, and should have it. You do not have to be faithful to things that keep you from being healed and whole and truly yourself.
Written by Liz Milani
Instagram: @thepracticeco
From this week’s series titled "The Virtue of Walking Away", with a subscription, in the App.
