It’s THE MOST time of the year…
It’s THE MOST time of the year.
Yep, The MOST.
Most of everything: wonder and stress, financial scrutiny and abundance, family drama and familial tenderness, work and more work, and days of rest and food. It’s a polarising time, the MOST of the MOST, concentrated into a few short weeks of parties and get together and expectations and moments. For many of us, it's a rollercoaster of emotions.
In this series, we’re going to look at how to make our way through all the MOSTS, from navigating family dynamics, to handling our own expectations, to integrating our values with the differing values of those we love, to money and money and money, to walking through faith transition at the pen-ultimate time of the year for all the many and varied sects of Christianity and the like.
Feelings on Repeat:
Christmas can stir up a potent cocktail of emotions, often mirroring that mixtape of childhood nostalgia, adult responsibilities, and perhaps a dash of unresolved family drama. It's like hitting play on an emotional playlist that never seems to change. One moment, you're singing along to the holiday tunes, and the next, you're trying to navigate through the maze of family dynamics. And even though you know what everyone is like, somehow the reactions and comments and behaviours still seem to sideline you every year.
Dealing with the Ghosts of Christmas Past:
Family gatherings during the holidays can feel like stepping into a time machine. The dynamics that played out in your childhood home may still have a starring role in the family drama. Unresolved conflicts, unspoken tensions, perhaps a sprinkle of sibling rivalry—sound familiar? It's as if the ghosts of Christmas past join the party.
Finding Your Own Groove:
So, how do you navigate these familial waters without feeling like you're caught in a riptide? First things first, give yourself permission to feel, and to feel it all. Acknowledge the emotions, whether it's nostalgia, joy, frustration, or even a hint of sadness. Emotions are not intruders; they are messengers, inviting you to understand yourself better.
Setting Boundaries as a Gift to Yourself:
Boundaries, my friend, are not just for property lines. They are your gift to yourself. It’s okay to politely decline that annual interrogation about your relationship status or career choices. Boundaries are your way of saying, "I love you, and this is what I have to give right now."
As Brené Brown wisely puts it:
"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others."
And remember: It’s just a season. It will come and go, it will rise and fall, it will happen, and then it will pass.
Maybe it’s because I’m a woman, and also a mother, and even a daughter, but a lot seems to fall on a woman’s shoulders at Christmas. Most years I find myself at some time point admits all the celebrating, questioning why we even do this. All I seemed to do in the past is plan and cook and serve and clean up. On repeat. Guess what everyone wants and needs, create magic, clean up after all the wonder has happened, and then try to find a way to calm my nervous system and get the adrenalin our of my body. From that perspective, let me ask you this:
WHY DO YOU DO WHAT YOU DO AT CHRISTMAS?
Yes, tradition, sure thing, ritual, I know - you’ve always done it this way, and there are expectations and people counting on you and peace to keep (rather than make for yourself…)
Practical Tip:
Try a gentle grounding meditation. Picture yourself surrounded by a bubble of light, protecting your energy. Inhale the love, exhale the tension. Remember, you're not a hostage to your family dynamics; you're the author of your own story.
In the whirlwind of family dynamics during the holidays, remember, you're not alone. Embrace the messiness, set those boundaries, and dance to your own holiday tune. Here’s to navigating the family drama with grace and a touch of humor.
Reflect on this: How can you bring more compassion to yourself and your family this holiday season.
See you in the App,
Liz Milani xo
Instagram: @thepracticeco
From this week’s series titled "It’s THE MOST time of the year," with a subscription in the App. Hope to see you there.
