I don’t consider myself a Jesus-follower

Over the last year I've realized with increasing clarity that my self-identification with the word "Christian" has come to an end. It's a heavy realization, and one that has caused some mourning, wistfulness and even fear.

I was, after all, a good girl who belted out, "I am a C! I am a C-H!" at Bible camp every year, who prided herself on being a pastor's kid, a Bible college grad, a ministry professional. Everything about me was attached to this label. 

Except, apparently, my future.
 
As a writer who has shared her deconstruction since the bless-my-heart beginning of it when I thought just saying I was a queer-affirming Christian was a bold move, I've hinted at this most recent progression and have even said it outright, but have always buried the news juuuust a little ways down in a caption or an email or a blog post. I haven't really come over the top to declare, "MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PEOPLE: I, Joy Vetterlein, who has been a Christian my whole life and tried to convince many people to also be a Christian, have decided that I am not a Christian anymore." 
 
And honestly, being a little quiet about it was a wise move for a while. Just like saying, "I'm a Christian" can be easily misunderstood with negative assumptions, saying, "I'm not a Christian anymore" can also be easily misunderstood with negative assumptions. 

None of us owes anyone an explanation for our faith changes. But, if you have a safe support system and are ready to deal with any fallout, some of us might find that sharing can be part of the healing process.

I've found it empowering to explain my reasons for the change, both to help the people in my life most shocked by the statement to understand why, and to say the words out loud for those who can't yet say it but would love to know they aren't alone.

Contrary to how many evangelicals are portraying deconstruction, for me, it's not coming from a place of wanting to burn it all to the ground and grab my devil horns for the remainder of my life, but how stepping out of Christianity is the natural culmination of my entire Christian journey.
 
In this series, I won't advocate for anyone else to stop being a Christian or mock or criticize anyone who chooses to keep the label. I'll simply share what it can look like for someone to lose their religion without losing their soul.

I hope that even if you don't arrive at the same conclusions that I have, you feel empowered to arrive at your own.

CONSIDER THIS: Sharing you’re experiences and your process of experiencing is helpful not just to lighten the load on your heart, but to help others see they’re not alone. We get through all the things together. 

Written by Joy Vetterlein

From this week’s guest series, "Forget Why I’m Not a Christina Anymore by Joy Vetterlein", with a subscription, in the App.