How do you know what to say?
I keep trying to re-format this email to you, and I keep running out of time. Every week. I have so much I want to share with you, and have you share with me, that sometimes I just don’t know where to start, or what to lead with.
Over the years, I have felt the full spectrum of emotions when it comes to sharing… excitement, exhilaration, purpose… all the way to shame, fear, and crippling imposter syndrome.
I have been frozen in place unable to say anything, full of so much to say that it comes out tangled, so overwhelmed that I can’t think of anything to say even though I have so much to say.
It can be hard to know what to say.
What if you get cancelled? What if you start an argument? What if you hurt someone you love? What if you ruin an opportunity? What if you rock the boat? What if you realise you didn't know as much as you thought you did?
We have two basic needs that often seem to come into conflict with each other: attachment and authenticity.
What I mean by attachment is the sense and actuality of belonging, healthy relationships, to be loved and known and accepted and taken care of and having the opportunity to take care of others, being attached or connected to others.
What I mean by authenticity is the ability to be able to connect to what you're feeling, to what you know, to what is happening in you and around you, your needs and desires, no matter how you interpret them, and be able to express them rather than suppress them in any given situation.
Dr Gabor Maté said:
"Do I live my life according to my own deepest truths, or in order to fulfil someone else's expectations? How much of what I have believed and done is actually my own, and how much has been in service to a self-image I originally created in the belief it was necessary to please my parents?"
Or to please a social standard, a religious community, the concept of God, a partner or a friend or a family or a boss or an educator?
Speak Now is a series about learning to say what you think, even if what you think is not fully formed, even if you're afraid that what you think might be wrong. It’s a 7 part series that starts today, in the Practice Co App. We're going to journey down the pathways of owning yourself, and using your own voice, and allowing yourself to be in flux along the way.
There’s a story in Matthew’s memoir in the NT, in chapter 16, where Jesus asks his friends what people are saying about him. They tell him what they've heard, all the different variations. And then Jesus asks Peter who he says he is. It's a poignant moment. And not because of Peter’s answer…
Jesus encouraged Peter to say what he thought, what he believed; to give voice to what was happening inside him, to the revelations that he was having, to the concepts and ideas that he was stringing together.
The point wasn’t that Peter gave the right answer, it was that Peter voiced what he thought.
I wonder what you might say, here and now, today, with everything that you know and don't know, the things you've been through and the hopes you have about tomorrow, if Divinity were to ask you:
“Who do you say I am?”
The point is not to think of an acceptable answer, the right answer, the most pleasing one, a line that you've heard someone else say, or a paragraph of words that don't really say much but keep from offending anyone, and just speak out what you actually think here and now.
I’m practicing this myself, here, in real time, starting with my next newsletter. I’m done living life to fulfil someone else’s expectations of me… I want to be real and true… don’t you?
Come on this journey with me… I think it might be fun.
MINDFUL PROMPT: "When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak." - Audre Lorde.
PS - I’d love to know what you’d like to see here in my weekly newsletter. Email me? Or DM me on socials.
Xo
Liz Milani xo
Instagram: @thepracticeco
From this week’s series titled "Speak, Now," with a subscription in the App. Hope to see you there.
