Forget about balance.
Forget about balance.
You will find it, only to lose it again.
You will achieve it, only to realise that you left something behind in order to so.
You will make it happen, but only at the abandonment and narrowing of parts of your life that don't fit on the scale.
Balance isn't real.
And what a relief.
How much have you twisted yourself up in knots trying to find it, trying to be it, trying to make it happen for you? What is it, anyway? What does balance mean to you?
I think for most of us, when we talk about balance, what we're trying to communicate is that we have the desire to feel peace not just in things being uncomplicated but between all the different things that make up our lives. Work, rest, fun, responsibility; career, kids, partners, family; health, vitality, wildness, fun; grief, loss, heartache, peace, joy, contentment...
I think what we're trying to achieve with the idea of balance is a sense of presence in every facet of our lives; none taking away from any other; all partnering with each other to create a sense of wholeness and alignment. So that your work doesn't need you to abandon your children; being a parent doesn't take away from your vocation; having a career doesn't infringe upon the health of your primary relationships; that keeping your mind and body healthy doesn't mean less time with friends and saying no to things you want to enjoy; that being spiritual doesn't disallow you access to the full range of the human experience…
Lao Tzu said:
"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."
Jesus said:
"Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
Maya Angelou said:
"Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances."
Balance in the way it's been defined for us, and in all the ways we've been told we can have it, is a futile endeavour. Forget about balance, and find your rhythm instead. Forget about making everything work the way you think it should, the way you've been made to believe means that you're successful and wise and valid, and learn to let life flow to you, through you, and from you.
Forget about balance, and give yourself to the dance of life instead. This is a series about finding your rhythm, learning to listen for the beat, accepting and allowing what your life is so you can enjoy it now, not when and if and after you achieve some made up benchmark of meaning.
When Jesus talked about not laying anything ill-fitting or heavy on you, he was talking about the different things - so many things - we take up and put upon ourselves to protect us, to project an acceptable image of us, to sell the idea that we are fine and OK and in control. Take all of that off. Let's learn to stand as we are, with what we have - all the many things that we are and have - no forcing, no holding back, no hiding, no pretending, swaying to the rhythm of grace.
Wisdom: "The art of living is based on rhythm - on give & take, ebb & flow, light & dark, life & death. By acceptance of all aspects of life, good & bad, right & wrong, yours & mine, the static, defensive life, which is what most people are cursed with, is converted into a dance, 'the dance of life,' metamorphosis." Henry Miller.
From the upcoming series, "Forget About Balance, Find Your Rhythm" this week, with a subscription, in the App.
Written by Liz Milani
Instagram: @thepracticeco
