You don’t need to be wiser
What if I told you that you don’t need to be wiser, you don’t even need to know more things about more things, you don’t need to be perfect or academic or even more knowledgeable, forget about that course and that resource, and how things would be different if only…
because here you are in your life as you are with what you have. You can’t change what brought you to this moment.
There is one thing, and it’s not a big thing, and it’s totally possible… you don’t need a degree to learn it or figure it out or give it a try, you don’t even need to be brave or strong or funny or “smart”:
Ask better questions.
Yep. That’s it. That’s my pearl of wisdom for us today.
Ask Better Questions.
Honestly, this can seem counterintuitive if you were brought up in high-control fundamentalist environments where questions were demonized and the practice of “seeking” and “researching” was only acceptable within very specific and rigid boundaries.
We live in a culture and a society that doesn’t like questions; it doesn’t like being questioned… yes, it might allow for a little curiosity, but only if, and only when, and only why, and if only if it leads to where they want you to go…
For me, growing up in high-control Pentecostal fundamentalism (honestly, the term grows the more I learn about it), I learned very quickly what was an appropriate question and what wasn’t. Questioning doctrine, dogma, leadership, the Pastor, interpretation was seen as a weakness; you were seen as a troublemaker, as someone of little faith. Questions took up too much time in an environment of urgency and rapture culture. Kingdom building only happened when you submitted yourself (and your curiosity) to the cause of the church/Pastor/Kingdom. Obedience was valued; questions were demonized. Get on board or get out, was the message I received around my curiosity.
For some of us, learning to ask questions is a skill we didn’t just not learn, but received negative instruction around, so to make ourselves available to our questions, to the practice of asking questions, to questioning the things we don’t understand, the things we want to understand more, and the things that don’t make any sense and need to be teased apart, can feel like we’re doing the wrong thing.
But you’re not.
Dear Rabbi Heschel once said:
“We are closer to God when we are asking questions than when we think we have the answers.”
In this series, we’re going to explore different scenarios, some that you might be experiencing right now, and different ways we can use questions and curiosity to make our way through them. From relationship hurdles, workplace drama, faith and spirituality, parenting, and friendship, all the way through to how to know what's true; from the existential ‘why are we here’ questions, questioning the status quo, asking for help, figuring out where your partner put the remote - asking good questions and following our curiosity is an attribute that if we practice and develop, will serve us well.
JOURNAL PROMPT: Bring to mind a situation that’s troubling you. It doesn’t have to be a crisis or something big, just something that’s taking up a lot of your brain and heart space. What are some questions you could ask of yourself, the situation, and others, that could help tease apart the tangles? That might help you clear some space to think about other things? Start here: Why does this make me feel this way? Could something else be going on here? What is the underlying (not manifesting) emotion I feel when I think about this?
REMEMBER: Faith is the courage to ask, not the certainty that you know.
I’d love to see you in the App, xo
Liz Milani
Instagram: @thepracticeco
From this week’s series titled "The Question Is," with a subscription in the App. Hope to see you there.
