Comparison is an act of violence against yourself
Less comparing, more celebrating.
The world is an abundant place - abundant in room and grace, belonging and expression. There is no one way to be; there is no one way to believe; there is no one way to show up and be who you are. There is you, and your life, and how you show up to it. There are others and their lives, and how they show up to it. If we believed in the abundant nature of the world to house all our expressions and evolutions and polarities, then I believe we would spend more time creating and connecting rather than shaming and taking.
Toxic comparison is a function of scarcity. We compare and we judge, we compare and we shame, we compare and we feel less and afraid and feel like we don’t measure up. Comparison runs on a zero-sum system of winners and losers and pits people against each other in a race and a game that honestly doesn’t lead to the places it promises it does.
Less comparing. Less measuring yourself up against other people and their achievements, highlight reels, (assumed) good lives. Less examining yourself according to someone else’s milestones and growth. Less competing with other people’s truths, epiphany’s, and stories. Less judging yourself beautiful or not, mature or not, successful or not, against other people's expression and experience of these things.
Jesus told a parable about this; at the end, he said:
“Many of the first end up being last, and the last, first...” *
As a way of saying there is no last and first. You try to come first, you end up being last, and if you think you’re last, you end up being first, because the whole thing doesn’t work. Life is not a zero-sum game. There are no winners and losers. There is only all of us, you and me, us and them, together, on this tiny blue planet hurtling through space, living the lives we lead, trying to make it mean something, trying to make it matter, trying to belong, in this small amount of time that we have where nothing is certain accept for the hope that whether we come in first or not there is a place for us beyond the idea of winning and losing.
Iyanla Vanzant said:
“Comparison is an act of violence against the self.”
Lay down your weapons and hold yourself in a loving embrace.
Try this:
More self-love, more self-awareness. More analysis towards what works for you and what doesn’t. More courage to show up and share. More wisdom and creativity. More fun and rest, laughter and pleasure. More being true, more being you, more holding space for others to be their true selves, too. More celebrating our differences and expressions and experiences, together.
This sense of ‘more’ is built on what you believe about the shape of the world, and so the work of dismantling toxic comparison from your soul is the work of reorienting your beliefs from being founded in fear and scarcity to abundance and love.
Start by switching your thoughts of comparison to moments of celebration. Every time a comparative feeling, word, or judgement comes up, about you or someone else, flip it to one of celebration. Say it out loud. Even if it feels kitschy and trite and maybe not even true. Say it, speak it out, lay down your weapons and choose love instead. Your voice will get steady, and so will your heart as you practice and live and let it ring out.
Consider this: “Comparison is an act of violence against the self.” (Iyanla Vanzant) Lay down your weapons and hold yourself in a loving embrace."
Written by Liz Milani
Instagram: @thepracticeco
