Boundaries are holy

You might struggle to set boundaries because you think the focus is on the other person. But it’s not. Instead, redefine boundaries as saying yes to yourself and the holy work of healing. I call this starting with yes.

Imagine being so rooted in yourself that you simply do not tolerate a fool or a bully. You see their tricks a mile away, and you know how to stand firm in your power. With God’s help, you are a force to be reckoned with. Your boundaries are no longer focused on others. Instead, they flow from a strength you’ve built deep within.

This is what it looks like to focus on the yes side of no. Starting with yes strengthens your soul and helps you establish a support network. It clarifies your convictions and teaches you the skills you need to stand firm. It gives you a larger vision of the life you can claim so that when it’s time to say no, you’re ready.

Jesus navigated through complex relationships with unbelievable skill. Sometimes he left people in order to nourish his own soul. Sometimes he headed straight into hard conversations. Jesus was full of compassion, and he also held people responsible for their behavior. Jesus stood up to bullies, even as he ached for them. He didn’t shy away from calling out people who were hurting others. Jesus even got annoyed with his friends, and he let them know when they’d let him down. Sometimes Jesus expressed grace. Sometimes he expressed anger. But most of all, Jesus spoke up on behalf of those who were hurting. And you, dear reader, maybe the one who is hurting. 

Sometimes a kind word is needed. Grace will mend the hurt. Other times you will need to advocate for yourself and speak firmly. Finally, there will be times when it’s wisest to walk away entirely. In these situations, the best way to use your voice is to show what you mean through your actions.

TRY THIS: Instead of making your boundaries about where another person can or can’t go, redefine them as something that says yes to yourself and the holy work of healing, first. 

This is guest post written by: Dr Alison Cook

From this week’s guest series, "The Best Of You", with a subscription, in the App.